There are days when...

Teaching = Going Crazy

As I envisioned my life as a teacher, I always thought that eventually it would become "easy" and not take up nearly as much time. I knew that the first few years would be crazy, but I always thought it would level out and become more routine and more manageable. I was wrong.

Now, if I'm truly honest, my job has changed and evolved. I wont say it's easier, but it doesn't take me as long to put together a lesson plan, and I feel that I create overall better materials in a much shorter amount of time than I did in my first few years. I also don't feel like I struggle with the same things I did in my first few years. However, I want to make sure that I'm not just putting my job on autopilot, but doing MORE as the job gets "easier." I do hope that I'm becoming a more thoughtful teacher, and a more effective teacher. Yet I find that I'm approaching a reality check - it doesn't become "easier." Not ever.

My typical day feels like a blur. I feel like I don't get a chance to sit down. I feel as if my brain is running at light speed. At the end of a school day, I sit down in my chair, and I often find myself zoning out, staring at a spot on the wall, feeling like I have mush where my brain belongs. Then, after a minute or two, my brain zaps me back to reality, knowing that I have to move on to the next item if I want to leave the building before 6pm.

Just this afternoon, I turned to my computer to look for a Chapter 8 Test Review, but quickly got side-tracked by a parent email that needed to be answered. Then I remembered that I needed to record attendance for my 7th hour. A student making up a test then asked me a question for clarification, and after she finished I filed that finished test in my "Grade These" folder. I turned back to my computer, thinking..."what was I looking for?" When I remembered, I opened my Chapter 8 folder, then got sidetracked by a phone call from a colleague, asking about how we were tackling section 7.6 in Algebra 2. I then looked over my plan for section 7.6, trying to decide if I needed to change the time I have reserved in the lab for EOC review. I again turned to my computer, thinking, "oh yes, Chapter 8 Test Review." Then an email from a student came in that needed a timely response. Have I even begun to look at my Chapter 8 test review? NO! Furthermore, I have about 15 make up tests to grade, the online gradebook to update, more lessons to plan, tests to create, full sets of 120 tests to grade, disciplinary phone calls to parents to make, and the list goes on and on.

There are days that I wish I had a desk job in a cubicle. There are days I wish that I had the kind of job where I could go to the bathroom whenever I felt like it, or work out on my lunch "hour." There are days that I wish I didn't have to deal with students acting rudely while I'm desperately trying to prepare them for their required state testing, much less teach them what they need to succeed beyond high school. There are days I feel like screaming at the students. There are days when their attitudes make me feel like giving up on them might be my best course of action. There are days where I seriously wonder if finding another profession might be in my best interest.

However...

There are days when a student looks at me and says, "Miss Boike, this has never made sense to me before, but now it does!" There are days when the looks on their faces changes from confusion to understanding. There are days when a student walks into my classroom after school in tears, and leaves smiling. There are days when I get a note from a student, letting me know how much I mean to them. There are days when I get a parent email, and after dreading what they might want, I find they are simply saying "Thank you." There are days when my students make me laugh from the very core of my being. There are days that are so rewarding, that I can't help but want to do more, try harder, and be better.

There are days when I realize that teaching might simply be a slow process of going crazy, re-centering, then going crazy again.

In the pit of my biggest frustrations, my toughest challenges, and the most irritating behaviors I've ever experienced...I really do love my job. I can't wait until tomorrow, when I get to go to work, and continue to tackle the most challenging and enjoyable job I've ever had.

And if any of my students (or parents of my students) are reading this...I truly love every one of you, and I feel so incredibly blessed to be your teacher. Yes, even when you annoy me. You're worth it.